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Exactly one week ago last Tuesday was my first gynae visit to check on my baby which was supposed to be 7 weeks old by then. It was a secret that was bursting to be shared once we had the confirmation of the gynae that all is well.
It’s amazing how fast things change and how you just had to cope with it. Nothing turned up on the ultrasound. A blood test and another transvarginal ultrasound confirmed a molar pregnancy. There was no fetus.
I was admitted into the hospital that same night and undergone a laparoscopy the next morning to clean out my womb and will need to undergo weekly blood tests to ensure that my BHCG levels is down to undetectable levels and that there is no risk of cancer developing.
From the joy, hope and anticipation of carrying a little being in you to simply nothing. I cried for 3 nights in the silent darkness of my hospital room and still tear abit every now and then thinking about it, but I believe I am healing abit as each day passes. Writing this out helps in the healing process as I type.
I will be pottering about in my balcony soon once my stitches are removed. I believe it will help in the healing process too. There is something about planting seeds, nurturing our plants, watching them grow and thrive that helps us, strengthens us and warms the humanity inside us somehow. Maybe it’s the process of watching life unfold before you that reminds you about hope that’s still abound around us.
This is how my balcony looks like after 3 months plus of growing.
It looks like an unruly jungle from the pictures but compared to how empty my balcony was 3 months ago, I am not complaining.
My mom has plans to grow the snake beans again at the smaller balcony that’s at the back of the kitchen and I thought about growing some climbing foliage plant (fantastic if it flowers as well) up and along the pipe at the left of the balcony.
It’s still a long way from my dream balcony filled with lush greens but I’m learning and we’ll get there bit by bit.